Letting Go of Perfectionism

For long-term weight loss success, aim for the 80/20 approach

How many times have you said “I’ll start my diet after…” You fill in the blank. After the holidays. After your birthday. After the weekend. After your mother-in-law goes home. It’s a delaying tactic that’s explored as a theme during Week 7 of Season 13’s Biggest Loser. And it feeds into a dangerous “all or nothing” diet mentality that can trip up long-term success, according to Greg Hottinger, RD, and Michael Scholtz, MA, authors of Coach Yourself Thin and weight loss coaches on Biggest Loser Club’s message boards.

Instead, they suggest a more realistic 80/20 approach, where you’re on plan most of the time but don’t go off the deep end if you take a short detour. Here’s an excerpt we think you’ll find helpful to your weight loss efforts: 

"Most of the Time" Is Enough
Perfectionist thinking would have you believe that you are either on or off of your program. You'd view foods and behaviors as either good or bad, with good foods and behaviors causing you to lose weight and bad foods and behaviors leading to weight struggle or weight gain. Perfectionism doesn't make room for real life to occur; it doesn't allow for those everyday situations that knock you off track. These events are a normal part of life, and if your plan doesn't allow you to adapt--to exercise less when you're pressed for time, have an extra treat now and then, eat out occasionally--your forward progress and your motivation will come to a grinding halt. Try as you might, you'll never stick to any plan 100 percent of the time. And things fall apart quickly when coming up short makes you feel like a failure.

That means that the path to success is moderation in your very approach to change. You need to accept that it is okay to make healthy choices "most of the time." Success literally depends on your understanding that not only do you not have to be perfect to reach your goals, but that aiming for perfection sets you up to fail.

Defining the 80/20 Approach
One balanced approach to lifestyle change is the 80/20 model. The idea is that 80 percent of your choices are made in the planned and predictable environment of your "normal" routine and are therefore mostly healthy, while 20 percent of your decisions are made in situations that are not part of your normal routine, and therefore may include indulgences or lapses. You might be at a birthday party and have a slice of cake, or maybe you get superbusy at work and miss a few days of exercise.

At first glance, an all-or-nothing approach actually seems easier to stick to because it's so black and white; there are hard-and-fast rules that are simple to follow. The 80/20 approach, on the other hand, requires judgment and moderation; you have to make decisions and choices on the fly. For example, can you have just one of your trigger foods (one of those foods that you struggle to eat in moderation) in a given situation? Can you take a day off from exercise and get right back to the gym the next day?

The keys to making 80/20 work are that 1) understanding that the 20 percent is a normal part of life and it's better to make peace with it than attempt to avoid it altogether, and 2) you haven't "blown it" and one indulgence or lapse doesn't have to cascade into several more.

Bringing Moderation to Life
What you use your 20 percent for is a very individual decision, and you must be selective about what is important to you and what is not. You might decide to indulge in an unexpected treat that doesn't necessarily fit into your plan for the day--a margarita at a festive social event, a favorite dessert at a local restaurant, or a unique bottle of wine opened by a friend. On the fitness side, you may skip your workout because some friends call you up at the last minute to go out, and it just sounds too fun to pass up.

In some cases, the 20 percent could be a true slip, rather than an intentional choice. Maybe you neither intended nor truly wanted the food or the day off from exercise: Your self-control truly failed you, or time got away from you before the gym closed. It will happen. But the 80/20 model helps you see that a small slip is inconsequential as long as your healthy 80 percent is there for you.

The 80/20 approach is not as exciting as trying to follow an extreme plan because it does not promise speedy, extreme weight loss. However, it will give you something that has been missing from your previous efforts: lasting results. Once you break free of All-or-Nothing Thinking (see page 22) and allow yourself to splurge on special occasions as part of your weight-loss program, you can relax and empower yourself to have long-term success.

When you say yes to 80/20, you are saying yes to:

• Living without fear of indulging on special occasions.
• Letting go of guilt after the occasional indulgence.
• Having a structure that offers guidance, but also flexibility to modify your plans as your life changes.
• Managing lapses by keeping them in perspective, learning from them, and moving forward (rather than dwelling on them, punishing yourself, and giving up completely).
• Living a sustainable lifestyle and having a greater chance of sticking with your program.

80/20 Exercise:
Think about a previous weight-loss program you tried, and identify two areas where you strove for perfection and set extreme goals. How long were you able to stick to the program?

If you rewrote those goals to include ranges that move away from perfection, such as "I will walk 4 or 5 days this week instead of aiming to exercise on all 7 days," or "I will limit myself to three or fewer sodas this week instead of trying to cut out soda altogether," how do you think this would have affected your success rate?

How does it feel to "lower the bar" for what you expect from yourself?

Think of one health-related goal you can commit to for the coming month. Write it down, ensuring that it is moderate and includes some flexibility.

At the end of each week, write in your journal about how being flexible affected your ability to stick to your goal.

Coach Yourself Thin © 2012 by Greg Hottinger and Michael Scholtz (Rodale)